


Back Into Balance

by a_big_apple



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Genre: Brothers, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-08
Updated: 2010-01-08
Packaged: 2017-11-17 08:40:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/549685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_big_apple/pseuds/a_big_apple
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’s noticed the change in Don, too—Leo’s return brought some parts of their lives back to normal again, back to balance, but Donatello resisted. He grew quieter, more solitary, than he’d ever been before; like a stranger.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Back Into Balance

**Author's Note:**

> Set in the universe of the CGI movie. Prompted, a tiny bit, by the frequent mistake in TMNT fandom of placing Raph second in the boys' age order. It's been stated in canon that Don is the second oldest, and Raph the third.

Leo is watching him, so closely. It’s not just because they’re sparring—that kind of watching is different. No, Leo is _staring_ at him, boring holes in Raph’s head with the force of his thoughts. They fight without weapons; the peace between them is too new, too comfortable, to draw blades on each other now. They tried, after that Winters thing settled down, but all Raph could see was his brother’s impossible expression, watching him, with one sai jammed into the ground an inch from his face. Raph thinks that’s all Leo could see, then, too. 

So they spar hand to hand, like when they were young, and used to fight each other for fun, out of love. Except Leo’s focus is _too_ intent on him; it’s throwing Raph off, though it doesn’t seem to inhibit his brother at all. He’s not at all surprised when he hits the floor with Leo’s knee on his plastron, but he is surprised by what his brother says.

“I think you should talk to Don.”

Raph blinks. “What?”

Leo stands, pulling him to his feet. “Don. You know. Your brother?”

“Your brother too.”

Leo frowns at him, but not with the same ferocity as he used to, when they fought every day. They’ve both learned to be easier on each other. “Something’s wrong, and I think it has to do with you.”

Raph takes a moment to think about this, stretching out his shoulder and sighing when it cracks. He’s noticed the change in Don, too—Leo’s return brought some parts of their lives back to normal again, back to balance, but Donatello resisted. He grew quieter, more solitary, than he’d ever been before; like a stranger. _Like,_ Raph thinks, _I probably seemed to him, when Leo was gone._ He sighs. “Yeah…that’s likely.” Leo’s waiting for more, and Raph shrugs. “I treated him like shit while you were gone, I know that. But he won’t talk to me now.”

Leo steps back, beckons Raph to fight again. “You never know.”

o~o~o~o~o~o

“So, dude, you gonna talk to Don?” 

Raph scowls, but it’s not enough to faze his little brother. “Did Leo put you up to this?”

Mike chuckles, disappearing behind the fridge door for a moment and straightening again with a can of orange soda. “You kidding? _I_ put _Leo_ up to it. I’m glad he remembered to say something.”

“You little shit.” But Raph can’t muster the venom, and he sits heavily at the table. Mike turns a chair backwards beside him and flings himself into it, gulping down half the can of soda before speaking again. “He’s totally waiting for you to say something.”

This is news to Raph. “He is?”

“Of course he is. When was the last time Don ever told someone his problems voluntarily?”

“Voluntarily’s a big word for you.” But the older turtle can see the point—Don has never been ashamed of his emotions, the way Raph always has, but he’s not a sharer either. 

Mike senses his small victory, and downs the rest of the soda. “You two are like the passive aggressive twins. Just keep an eye out for the right time to talk to him, will ya?” Then the youngest turtle gets up and leaves, tossing his can in the recycling on his way out. Raph sits at the table a little while longer, trying to imagine what could possibly be “the right time.”

o~o~o~o~o~o

It’s late, even for Raph—the lair is quiet, and he makes his way to his own room with a stifled yawn. Don’s lab is closed up, and there’s no light seeping out under the door; Raph is almost surprised, and almost disappointed. Somehow the middle of the night seems like the best time to communicate, but it won’t happen tonight. He passes by Don’s bedroom on the way to his own, and he almost walks by without a second glance, but something makes him study the shadowy doorway more closely. The door is open, just a foot, but it’s unusual enough to give him pause. _Passive aggressive, huh Mike? Maybe he wants me to come in. Maybe he’s asking me to talk…._ Raph stands outside the door another moment, torn, then silently slips inside, waiting for his eyes to adjust. 

Don is asleep—Raph knows the way he’s sprawled carelessly over the mattress is too relaxed and disordered to be a conscious choice. _Right. It’s just an open door. I’m losin’ it._ He turns to slip back out again, and the door creaks.

“Raphie?”

The old nickname freezes him, hand on the doorknob. Then Don wakes more fully, and sits up, ready to fight, or flee, or patch up an injured brother.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Raph murmurs, turning back to look at him. Don’s eyes are bright in the dark room. “I just…you ah…you left your door open.”

Don relaxes, and Raph can feel it in the air between them more than see it. “Must’ve been a draft or something.”

“Yeah. Sorry I woke you up.” Raph thinks again that maybe this is the moment Mike told him to look for, but he doesn’t know how to begin, so he stands there awkwardly, with Don still watching him. He feels like a gawky teenager again, and his brother’s unflappable calm is still strange, after a year of their short-tempered battles and Don’s attempts at big-brotherly control.

“Raph.”

“Yeah?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

The younger turtle frowns in confusion. “Tell you what?”

There’s a moment of silence. “About the Nightwatcher.”

It’s late, Raph’s tired, and he speaks before he really means to. “Is that what you’re pissed at me for?” 

Thankfully, Don doesn’t seem to take offense. He sighs, hanging his head for a moment, and he looks so different without his mask, so different from the brother Raph is used to, that he takes a step back. Don sees it, and looks up at him again. “When did we get like this? It used to be you and Leo who fought, not you and me. And there you were trying to help people, risking your life, and the whole time I thought you were just a lazy bastard.”

He can’t help it—Raph laughs, and Don stares at him in confusion. “Yeah, I figured that out pretty quick.”

“Sorry.” Don’s teeth are a sudden spot of white in the room, and Raph thinks everything’s okay until he realizes the smile isn’t really a smile, but more like a grimace. 

“No, I didn’t mean…look. I’m sorry too. I _was_ a bastard.” He shifts his weight from one foot to the other, and Don suddenly shifts over on the bed, giving him a place to sit. Raph takes it awkwardly. “I know why I didn’t tell Mikey—didn’t want him pullin’ the same stunt, you know? With Leo gone, I felt like I had to…protect him more.”

Don nods, and Raph suddenly realizes that he must have felt the same thing—about both his little brothers. “And I guess I didn’t want you to stop me.”

“How did you know I would have?” Raph glances over at him, and Don finally smiles a little. “Yeah…okay. I would have. But what if you’d been hurt? Killed?”

“I know—I’d end up in some science lab, and suddenly every big game hunter in the world would be crawling around the sewers…”

“That’s not what I was going to say.” Don sighs softly, looking older than he should. “We wouldn’t have known where you were, or what happened to you…we couldn’t have tried to rescue you, we couldn’t have had any closure, and when Leo finally came home you’d be gone, and we wouldn’t be able to tell him why.” He pauses, taking a breath. “I mean, I know our lives have always been…tenuous. All the fighting, all the times we’ve almost died. I just…I just wish we could have spent that time differently, while Leo was gone.”

Raph is still for a moment, thoughtful and silent, then he punches Don lightly on the arm. “Can’t change the past—but we’ve got plenty of time from now on. You wanna come out and bust heads with me sometime?”

Don laughs, finally, a little snort and a chuckle, and Raph grins too—he can tell that things are finally coming back into balance.


End file.
